


Let Me Drive My Vantas Into Your Heart

by TechnoNovelist132, TechnoNovelist404



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Dave/Jade and Dave/Terezi in the past, Humanstuck, I'll add tags as needed, M/M, Polyamory, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Dave Strider, Underage Drinking, i'll make those chapters skippable, rose/kanaya is a thing mentioned, they have sex so be mature about this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7557124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnoNovelist132/pseuds/TechnoNovelist132, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnoNovelist404/pseuds/TechnoNovelist404
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas is just trying to drink away his problems, but this asshole in shades shows up and tries to convince him they knew each other in another life. Who even is this douchebag? Might as well humor him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Karkat Vantas is an asshole. He's known that since he was a kid. He's an anger-issues, fragile-masculinity jerk and, as of late, an alcoholic. That's part of the reason he was at a bar, trying to get drunk off his ass on a Tuesday. The other reason was the fact he'd just lost his job. 

 He shook his head, murmuring to himself "I was too good for that job anyway. Fuck them" and similar phrases he didn't really believe. He looked around the bar and found similar faces all around him. People with lines of empty glasses in front of them and tear-stained cheeks. People just wishing for some pity. He made a noise of disgust and continued drinking away his shame.  _I'm nothing like them. At least I have the decency not to cry in public._

"Hey, I know this sounds crazy, but I totally know you." A blond douche wearing shades indoors sat down next to him. 

Karkat gasped in mock surprise, "Wow! You're right! That _is_ crazy! So leave me the fuck alone." 

"Come on, dude. I'm positive you and I knew each other in some other life or something," the blond paused and stuck out a hand, "My name's Dave Strider. What's yours?"

Karkat considered the hand for a moment.  _Well, it won't kill me to humor the guy_ , "Karkat Vantas. Put your goddamn hand down now."

"Karkat, huh?" Dave grinned, "That last name sucks, I think you'd make a better Karkat Strider." 

"Listen, ' _Dave'_ , just get on with your shitty other life bullshit so you can fuck off a cliff."

"Okay, so, uh, I've been having nightmares and shit since I was like thirteen about this game, right? And pretty much the main idea is that some of my friends and me got sucked into this game, okay?" 

Karkat tried to stifle his laughter, "Are you, oh my god, are you being serious?" He continued downing shots at a slower pace.

Dave adjusted his sunglasses and got back to talking, "Yeah, shut up for a sec. So, okay, there were also these aliens too and they were internet trolls and, like, you're totally just like this one troll guy and he had the zodiac sign for cancer on his shirt and I mean, like, you look just like him and shit and-" 

"Cancer?" Karkat narrowed his eyes, "Have you been stalking me? What the hell is this? Did Terezi put you up to this? Listen, tell her I'm fine! I don't need to fucking be looked after like a child! I'm twenty-one!" He gave Dave a once over, "How old are you even, like, sixteen? How'd you get in a bar?"

"No, man, it's totally legit," Dave rose his right hand, "I swear." He took off his shades, giving him a pitiful expression "Come on, please at least hear me out and try to keep an open mind." 

'You're lucky I'm such a generous guy or I'd have you thrown out! Saying shit about some game, who the hell do you think I am? God, are you totally insane!' is what Karkat intended to say but instead he just shook his head, laughed hysterically for a moment, and told him to continue. _Must have gone soft somewhere. Probably the alcohol talking. No harm done anyway, not like I'll see him again after tonight._ Karkat took another few shots. 

"Okay, so, uh, pretty much all my friends and these alien guys ended up saving the world or some shit? I don't actually know what happened, but there was this house and, like, before that grey alien you and me and a bunch of other aliens and rose were on this meteor?" Dave sighed, "Honestly it doesn't make much sense, but I'm totally sure that's other life you, dude." 

"Wow, uh, whatever your name is," Karkat let out a humorless laugh, "that's pretty interesting. You're pretty great. Tell me more about your dreams."  He asked the bartender for more alcohol, only to be told he's hit the limit for one day.

"Dave," he paused," Hey, are you alright, dude? Karkat?"

"Yeah, I'm _wonderful_ , Dave. That's why I'm in a bar at four in the afternoon!" He sighed and ran a hand over his face, "Just keep talking. I'm fine."

"Karkat, It's eleven pm," Dave shook his head and grabbed Karkat's arm, "Alright, man, I'm taking you home. You're obviously going through some shit and being shitfaced isn't going to help. Where do you live? Did you drive here?"

"No car, but no. I'm not going home like this. I'm just-" Karkat laughed, tears running down his face, "I'm going to live here now. Not like I have anywhere to be."

He wrapped one of Karkat's arms around his shoulders, "Come on. I'll take you to my house then. It'll be fine." They walked together- or rather Dave walked and Karkat tripped along using Dave as a human crutch- to Dave's car. Karkat fell asleep in the passenger's seat as Dave started the drive home.  

 


	2. Vomit and Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave takes someone he just met but is pretty sure is his dream soulmate or something to his house and finds himself with some heavy shit laid on him. Literally and figuratively.

Dave always was more of a night person than anything. You find yourself adapting to your only safe space after a while, after all. You can't be hurt if there's nobody awake to do it.

As he grew older, he found that he enjoyed driving through the city alone, seeing the lights of his home. When he was younger, he had thought those lights were stars. Stars on the ground. Nobody was there to correct him for years.

Dave Strider, in a shitty car without air conditioning with someone he just met drunk off their ass in a bar. _Would I have done this if I didn't think he was some reincarnation of an alien from a dream? Probably not._

Nonetheless, he felt an aura of calm as he drove away from the bar, shades off his face and his passenger snoring lightly to his left. _Karkat Vantas_. He sighed. _What's his deal?_

Dave considered rolling down a window, but decided against it with a quick glance at his companion. Karkat was snoring peacefully in the passengers seat. _Oh my god. I'm too gay for this._

He pulled into the parking lot for his apartment building. Someone was parked in his spot again. He pulled into a spot a few down. He murmured to himself, "Goddamn it, Becky. Keep your fuckboys out of my spot."

He walked to the other side of the car and  tapped Karkat a few times, "Hey, Karkat. You have to wake up. I'm not carrying you to the elevator." He reached a hand out, "Come on, I'll help you up. Let's go."

Karkat yawned and accepted Dave's hand. He was half asleep, but at least he was up and out of the car. Which was fine and all except for the fact- _He's not letting go. What do I do? Do I just hold his hand? Shit._

Luckily, Dave didn't have to make a decision as Karkat took that moment to vomit.

Dave gave a look of concern, "You okay, man?"

Karkat groaned a few times before nodding. He wiped his mouth off with his shirt sleeve.

"Okay, well let's get up to my apartment and you can change."

Dave closed the car door and locked it. He could see Karkat wasn't magically sobering up any time soon. Shit. He's probably going to fall if I don't help out. He put his arm around Karkat's shoulder, "Okay. Elevator."

-

Dave unlocked the door, "Alright, I'm going to go get you some new clothes. The bathroom is over there. I'll meet you there."

After a brief moment of searching through his pajamas, he found a pair of pants and a shirt he thought might fit.

He opened the bathroom door to find Karkat sitting on the rim of his bathtub.  He walked over to him, "Hey, uh, I got some clothes for you. Wipe your face off before you put them on."

"What do I clean my face off with?"

Dave handed him a towel and averted his eyes as Karkat began taking his clothes off, "Alright I'm going to get going."

Karkat grabbed his arm, "Stay with me? Please?"

Dave swallowed nervously, "I guess I can. You gotta take off your pants though, so if that's a problem I can leave?"

"No. It's cool." He couldn't help but notice that Karkat looked relieved.  _Deep breaths. He just wants you around in case he throws up again, Dave. Be cool._

 "Hey, Dave, right?" Dave nodded and turned around. Karkat had Dave's shirt on. "Has anyone ever told you that you're really hot?" 

Dave couldn't help staring at his legs. "You're not wearing any pants." A pang of sadness.  _There's scars there. Those aren't old._

"You didn't answer my question." Karkat got close to him _. Holy shit._ "I like the way you narrate and I like you." Karkat closed the distance between them and kissed him. 

Dave, understandably surprised, punched him in the face. Karkat was on the floor, nose bleeding. "Oh shit, uh, sorry. Reflexes. No, but you're drunk. I'd be totally into you, but you really can't consent right now plus you just threw up. Anyway, you need to put pants on and go to bed." Karkat continued to lie on the ground.  _Oh my god. I knocked him out._ He cleaned up the blood and felt Karkat's nose _. At least I didn't break it. Hope he doesn't have a concussion whoops._

Dave, with great difficulty, put the pants on Karkat and dragged him across the apartment into his bedroom. "Well, I hope you forgive me for that." Dave put his blankets over him. 

Despite knowing Karkat wouldn't hear him, Dave whispered a quiet "See you in the morning" before closing the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat smooches Dave and vomits. What a beautiful chapter.


	3. Someone Else's Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat got shitfaced and has only a vague idea of who the fuck's house he's in. With no clue of what happened last night, he thinks the worst and freaks out a bit.

Karkat opened his eyes to find himself buried in someone else's blankets, his head pounding. He threw the blankets off himself and was relieved to see himself clothed. _Wait who's clothes are these? Oh my god._

 Karkat paced around the room.  _What the fuck happened last night? I was talking to that guy and-_ His eyes widen-  _Did that fucker DRUG ME?!_

 He gave himself a pat down to check if he still had all his organs. _Holy shit. Kanaya's girlfriend was right. I am going to die alone in a sex dungeon._

_He sat on the bed. I'm fucking screwed. How the hell am I getting out of this? I could jump out the window, but that looks like a long way down. No. It'd be better to die than live like this. It's official. I'll jump out the window and die._

Dave walked into his room just as Karkat began planning his suicide by gravity. "Hey, are you alright? You kinda-"

Karkat launched himself at Dave, "You can't keep me here forever! Even if Sollux doesn't come for me, I'm sure Kanaya will! She has a chainsaw! She'll skin you alive! I swear to god you will be sorry! I'm fucking-"

Dave lifted his hands, "Jesus Christ calm the fuck down. What do you mean keep you here? I took you home because you were shitfaced and wouldn't tell me where you live." 

"Then what happened to my clothes! Did you do something to me?" 

Dave sighed, "Dude, you puked all  over yourself and I had to lend you some of mine. Chill. And I'm not a creep who'd take advantage of someone who's drunk. Consent 101. You did come on to me though fyi." 

Karkat gaped for a moment. "I did what?"

"Yeah. Nothing happened though," Dave shrugged, seemingly nonchalant, "and you could've just opened the door and left anyway. Why'd you think you were trapped?"

Karkat slammed his hand against his forehead. _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why didn't I check the fucking door?!_ Feeling significantly less intelligent than moments before, he shrugged, "I'm honestly still pretty hung over."

"About that..." Dave turned his head away from Karkat, "are you alright? You said some pretty fucked up shit. Not having any reason to go back home and I sorta noticed some scars on your legs while I was getting you out of your vomit clothes. Just, are you okay, man?"

Karkat was silent for a moment. "It's none of your business. We met once in a bar. That doesn't make you my best friend or whatever the fuck you think you are." He glared at the side of Dave's sunglasses, "Where's the closest bus stop? I'm going home."

Dave looked back at him, "Look, sorry for asking. I'm just-" 

"At least tell me what part of town I'm in so I can find one on my own?"

"Look, I can drive you home. I don't know where any bus stops are around here and I really want to fix this." 

"Fix _what_? You don't know shit about me and you're an idiot! We aren't friends and I honestly feel sorry for you if you think anything else!"

Angry silence swirled around the room. 

Dave sighed, "Just.. Let me take you home at least." 

"Fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated! I'm open to any ideas.
> 
> If anyone wants me to actually write the Dave referenced vomit and discovery chapter, just comment and I'll add it.
> 
> Edit: I added the chapter in as Chapter 2.


	4. Karkat in the Big Disfunctional House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Womp womp what's new pussycat, Karkat is home and he ends up feeling bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> realistic characterization? what's that? 
> 
> this introduces *typing quirks* that means there's all caps. some people are uncomfortable with this and I'm willing to rewrite the dialogue from the texts in the comments section if needed.

Karkat followed Dave to his car, giving him a look when he opened the right door, "Am I driving now?"

Dave replied, "It's a foreign model. Different drivers side and shit."

Karkat wanted to ask how the fuck he ended up with a car so ass backwards in the US, but decided to continue giving him the silent treatment and just get inside. _I have a right to be angry. He was invading my privacy._

Dave turned the engine on and began driving. It was silent for a moment, the car and their breathing the only sounds in the universe. This was broken with a question. "So, where do you live?"

-

Dave pulled into the driveway. Karkat opened the car door. 

"Hey, wait," Dave said, almost too quiet to be heard. 

"What is it?" Karkat snapped back.

"I'm always here for you, if you need me. I'm just trying to be your friend."

"Fuck off." He walked away from the car.

Karkat slammed the front door behind him, not looking back. _Where does he get off calling himself my friend? What an asshole._

"Where have you been, Karkat?" Kankri says this almost as a statement, "You never came home last night."

Karkat sighed, using the first half-lie that came to mind, "I was staying with a friend." 

"Oh really? Who then? You left your phone here yesterday and none of your contacts had heard from you." Kankri sighed, "Why do you feel the need to lie to me, Karkat? I can smell the alcohol on you."

"You went through my room and used _my_ _phone_?!"

"It's the only way I can know that you aren't hanging from the ceiling fan! Excuse me for yelling, but you never talk to me about anything! You barely eat and you're so irresponsible I'm surprised you manage to keep yourself alive!" 

Karkat felt tears start to form in his eyes, "Fuck you! It's none of your business what I do!" He stomped into his room and slammed the door. He heard Kankri shout something about him needing to "Stop acting like a child" but he didn't offer a reply.

_Obvious that today isn't getting any better._

His room was just as he left it. His bed was made. His clothes were folded on a chair, ready to be put away someday. His computer was on his desk. His phone was... not on the dresser. _He doesn't even have the goddamn decency to put it back where he got it?! I'm going to_ \- His phone buzzed, as if sensing his imminent meltdown. 

He found it on his bedside table. It was a text from Kanaya. Eight missed calls and thirty texts. _That's less than unusual. Guess she's getting used to this._ He sighed, feeling tired.

GA: Karkat Are You Alright I Am Very Worried About You

GA: Please Text Me When You Get Home I Hope You Are Alright 

Karkat decided to use the same half-lie he'd used for Kankri.

CG: I'M FINE. I SPENT THE NIGHT WITH A FRIEND OF MINE.

GA: I Asked Everyone Where You Were When Your Brother Called Me Yesterday Nobody Knew Where You Were 

CG: I HAVE FRIENDS OTHER THAN OUR GROUP FROM HIGHSCHOOL.

CG: I ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOU GUYS TOO, IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED.

GA: You Had Us All Worried We Thought You Had Gotten Hurt

GA: I Havent Ever Heard You Talk About Any Other Friends 

CG: I'M FINE, KANAYA. I HAVE TO GO. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

Karkat put his phone down. _Why am I even trying to convince her I'm okay? I'm just a fuck up anyway. Everyone would be better off without me._ He heard his phone buzz with another message. 

He carefully sat on his bed, trying not to ruin his carefully made bed. The blankets reminded him of a blonde boy in sunglasses. 

_I really overreacted, didn't I? He was just trying to help me out. I stayed at his house, I wore his clothes, and I made him feel like shit for being concerned. I always do this._ Karkat sighed _. I'm a such an asshole._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Homestuck, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, *looks at smeared writing on hand* Katniss Maryland... and... Coffee??


	5. Dave's Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave Strider honestly had a fucked up childhood and probably needs intense therapy for many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotional abuse is shit, my pals. Don't ever hurt your kid like that. 
> 
> Physical abuse either. Honestly just love your goddamn kids. 
> 
> (I had to rewrite this chapter 3 times because my internet went down. I apologize for the quality of writing.)

Dave Strider lived in the dark about the world outside his apartment for a long time. From as far back as he could remember, it was just him and his bro.

Dave never thought anything was wrong with the way he lived. He liked it well enough, even the strife sessions. He thought it was the way everyone lived.

He was homeschooled by Bro all the way through school, even after realizing how bad his situation was. Before he met his friends, he only left the house to shop for food. A birthday in the past, one he couldn't recall the number of if he tried, gave him a computer. That was when the cracks in his perception began.

He joined some social media site or another and met his first friend. His name was John.

John complained about his father cooking too many cakes. This was nothing like Bro. Dave had been cooking for himself since he was 3. Dave laughed it off as "everyone has problems". 

John sent him flash drives full of pirated movies in the mail. They never showed fridges filled with swords. They never showed a child walking alone through a store, asking strangers to get him food off the shelves. They never showed people like Bro. Or people like Dave.

He was introduced to John's other friends. He became part of the world- their world. People cared about his wellbeing. 

Dave started having dreams about a game called sburb on his best friend's 13th birthday. The same day, there was a strife session. He soon found out his friend, Jade, was having these dreams as well. 

Dave never knew his brother's name. He only knew him as Bro. Not that it would have made a difference. 

Bro Strider was complicated in Dave's mind. He was a man who raised a child alone, never talking about their parents. He was a man who liked puppets in ways Dave was never quite sure was ironic. He was Dave's big brother.

He was the man who would give Dave money for anything he wanted. He was the man who would beat the hell out of Dave without warning with a sword and later say he loved him. He was a man who scarred Dave physically and mentally and had no consequences.

Dave had his own problems as a child. He wasn't really raised in the best environment for acceptance, after all. He was disappointed with himself for finding girls attractive as well as boys. He talked through this point with Rose, who was surprised with him for being upset about liking girls, being a boy and whatnot. He was disappointed with himself for allowing Bro to hurt him. Most of all, he was disappointed with himself for feeling like a boy. He didn't say anything about this, especially since he was "pretending" to be male when he met John. He might as well have been cis to them.

He hurt himself, trying to get a hint of concern from his brother, not that he thought about it that way at the time. At the time he just thought that he was a horrible person who deserved to be hurt. 

Bro Strider was stabbed to death by a stranger when Dave was seventeen years old. Dave found the body in the alley next to their apartment while walking home. Dave never got any closure about the abuse. He did, however, get all the money Bro had ever earned. Surprisingly, his questionable puppet pornography had made enough money to pay for the apartment for another few months and allow Dave to start T.

Dave got a job. He legally changed his first name. He found out about some of his family members that lived nearby. He didn't look for his parents. He continued having the dreams. He had a mantra, though he couldn't ever place where he came up with it "Dead Daves are the enemy".

Dave came to terms with who he was as a person. He began coming to terms with how fucked up his living situation was. He met friends of friends and he made himself a line of people he could fall back on, not that he would ever let himself tell them that.

He dated two of his friends. Eventually he decided he didn't like Terezi's polyamorous view on love and they broke up as friends. He broke up with Jade after a dream in which she shot him and he died. 

Two years after his brother's death, he walked into a bar with a card he borrowed from his cousin, Dirk, explaining away his cousin's darker skin with "summer tan went away". That's when he saw Karkat Vantas, literally the boy of his dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a bad chapter and I'm never writing anything sad again. 
> 
> until next chapter, but at least I'm introducing Rose and a few other friends. Honestly Rose had it pretty bad too, but at least her mom loves her. 
> 
> By the way, thank you to those who sent me the pesterlog stuff! You guys are really nice.


	6. A Nightmare on Dave Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose is helpful with Karkat's quest to ease his guilty conscience. 
> 
> Dave has a bad dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's the chances that they have the same friends? Probably pretty small but they do anyway.
> 
> also knock knock, it's dialogue.

Rose received a message. 

CG: HEY ROSE. I NEED YOUR HELP.

TT: A hello would have been a nicer way to start. 

TT: Where were you yesterday? Kanaya was worried about you. 

CG: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. I NEED YOUR HELP FINDING A GUY I MET.

TT: Why is that so very important that you cannot start with a hello? 

CG: OH MY. PLEASE EXCUSE ME FOR HAVING SUCH HORRIBLE MANNERS IN A *LIFE OR DEATH* SITUATION. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO OUT AND BUY YOU GOLDEN GIFTS AND FLOWERS BEFORE RUNNING TO YOUR HOME AND GROVELLING BEFORE YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND BEGGING YOU TO HELP ME. 

Rose snickered before typing out her reply. 

TT: I'll excuse it this time if you promise extra flowers on the next occasion. Go on with explaining your boy troubles. 

CG: I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A JOKE. AND ON SECOND THOUGH I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE ENOUGH TO MAKE IT A BIG DEAL TO ASK DIRECTLY. 

CG: LONG STORY SHORT, I MET THIS DOUCHE BAG IN A BAR LAST NIGHT AND HE WAS REALLY NICE TO ME AND I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING AN ASS BUT I DON'T KNOW HIM OR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. 

CG: I STAYED AT HIS HOUSE LAST NIGHT.

Rose frowned and glanced back towards Kanaya. She was drawing out clothing designs. 

TT: You were out drinking last night? How many times have you done that this month?

TT: You should have told Kanaya or myself. We would have gladly driven you home.

CG: PLEASE FOCUS ON THIS ISSUE INSTEAD OF MY DETERIORATING LIVER AND NEWFOUND HOBBY OF GOING HOME WITH STRANGERS.

TT: Did this mystery boy not tell you a name? 

CG: IT'S A BLUR TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST. HE PROBABLY DID. 

TT: Can you describe him? I may be able to ask around. 

CG: HE'S A BLOND, HE WEARS SUNGLASSES INDOORS, HE DRIVES A CAR THAT HAS THE WHEEL ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE, AND  HE LOOKS AROUND SEVENTEEN BUT HE GOES INSIDE BARS. 

TT: That actually sounds like someone I know. Is your phone able to receive photos?

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUS? SEND ME THE PICTURE.

* * *

A flash of light. The sound of metal against metal. Blood.

Dave was on the ground. Bro stood over him, face as neutral and uncaring as usual, Cal was a fucked up parrot sitting on his shoulder. The puppet's blue eyes were staring into his soul.

Pointing down at him. A thumbs down. A sword swinging down toward his face.

Dave sat up, gasping. He fumbled behind himself, in vain he realized, for his sword.  _I'm going to die. He's going to kill me. I'm-_

Reality flooded back.  _I'm safe. I'm home. He's dead._ He felt relief with pangs of guilt.  _I'm so fucked up._

Dave sighed, letting his heartbeat slow in his chest. He turned his head to stare at the clock on his desk. A bright red "1:32 AM" met him.  _Well fuck._

He shook his head and sighed again. He untangled himself from the blankets and stumbled around the dark house and managed to make himself a cup of instant coffee.  _This is awful tasting._

He logged onto pesterchum. Green text greeted him within seconds. 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 1:34 --

GG: hey dave! we haven't talked in forever! :(

TG: yeah. sorry. i'm not usually up during your time zone

GG: dave, it's only an hour gap. are you doing alright?

TG: yeah. my sleep schedule has just been absolute shit lately 

TG: anyway, how's my favorite furry doing? get your yiff on with any interesting folks?

GG: you're changing the subject!

TG: no yiffing then? i got kissed by a drunk person this week 

He received a notification. Rose sent him a message. 

GG: dave!! were you sneaking into bars again? >:(

TG: are you still psychic

GG: yes.

TG: then you already know the answer

GG: dave! 

TG: one sec. rose messaged me. 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 1:39 --

TT: Dave, you're awake. 

TG: yeah, what's up? 

TT: I need you to send me a picture of yourself. 

TT: If you send a stock photo I'm disowning you. 

TG: rude. 

TG: [turntechgodhead sent a picture] 

TG: is that good enough for your catfishing? 

TT:  This is perfect. Thank you.

TT: By the way, I'm giving your contact information to a friend of Kanaya. Be nice.

TG: wait what 

TG: who? 

TG: why? 

TG: rose 

TG: do i know them? 

TG: rose 

TG: rose who?

TT: Yes, you met him recently. 

TT: He'll message you in a moment. 

TT: Have fun. 

TG: no wait 

TG: who is he?

 -- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 1:46 --

GG: dave! are you done yet? 

TG: yeah. sorry 

TG: rose is giving my name out to strangers 

GG: really? who? :0 

TG: no clue. 

TG: wait i just got a message brb 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 1:48 --

CG: IS THIS DAVE? 

TG: no this is patrick. 

TG: just kidding. what's up? 

TG: actually it's who's up 

TG: rose told me that she was giving out my chumhandle 

TG: so who am i chatting at? 

CG: JEGUS CHRIST. STOP TYPING FOR TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I AM TRYING TO HAVE A NORMAL FUCKING CONVERSATION IN WHICH WE TALK ABOUT A TOPIC. THE TOPIC HAS BEEN PREDETERMINED SO DON'T TRY TO COME UP WITH ONE OUT OF YOUR ASS. 

TG: oh boy. 

TG: shout out your topic. 

CG: DID I MEET YOU IN A BAR? 

TG: oh. you're that guy 

TG: mr. i-barfed-on-myself-and-also-dave 

TG: how do you know rose's gf? 

CG: KANAYA AND I MET IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

TG: oh shit. what kind of phases did she go through? 

TG: did she have a vampire phase? 

TG: she seems like the type to have a vampire phase

CG: IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER WHAT KIND OF PHASES SHE WENT THROUGH. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I WAS A DICK AND I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SUCH A TOOL. YOU WERE JUST BEING A GENUINELY NICE PERSON AND IT WAS SHITTY OF ME TO ASSUME YOU WERE TRYING TO GET IN MY PANTS. 

CG: TO CONCLUDE, THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY AT YOUR HOUSE. WHEN CAN I RETURN YOUR SHIRT AND EXCHANGE IT FOR MY OWN? 

TG: it's cool. 

TG: where do you want to meet for our shady shirt exchange? 

TG: an alley? 

TG: behind the walmart?

CG: THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT? "IT'S COOL"? I THREW UP ON YOU. 

TG: yeah? 

TG: the throw up wasn't that bad. 

TG: okay, but the shirts. when are you free?

CG: I'M FREE TOMORROW THROUGH NEXT ETERNITY. SINCE YOU'RE THE ONE WITH A CAR, CAN YOU JUST COME OVER? I CAN GIVE YOU MY ADDRESS.

TG: okay cool 

TG: give it to me later 

TG: see you tomorrow? 

CG: Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a nice night.

TG: you too.

\--  turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 2:00 --

TG: jade holy fuck 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long. I sorta kinda felt like dying for a while and I had to chill.
> 
> my phone is Officially broken so it'll take a bit to update. sorry guys.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is TechnoNovelist404. I'd love to hear from you!


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